King Van’s Life – The ‘HD’ Way

Well, the Castle remodel is almost finished. But for some base trim on a couple remaining stone walls, and the ever-present cleanup that ensues following a major remodel, the King has completed the quest! Most notable amongst changes to the castle is the addition of Ye Olde 50-inch Plasma HDTV. In no small part due to Vanberge4’s forwarded 10% discount coupon provided by vanlandw, the 4th of July was spent piloting chariot to East Beltline Best Buy, where this King did plunder and pillage an epic deal on the Panasonic 50PZ700U, one of the most elegant 1080p plasma screens to inhabit this earth. (g.g. vanbergs for suggestion to check availability of said plunder ahead of time!)

After saving 507.14 gold talents, the final discount ended up being 15% on said pillaging total. Best Buy harlots smirked when King Van pulled chariot Aztek up in front of store, saying “You realize you cannot lay this thing down, don’t you?” (The cardboard packaging was immense, so as to rightly protect said plundered screen). The King said “Fear not, knave!”, and proceeded to transform chariot aztek into a suitable 8-foot covered pillage-hauler with a few quick snaps, clicks, and pops, thus removing the removable rear floor tray of the aztek, flipping the rear seats up forward, and amazing the kindergarten-mind employees of said Best Buy. “Wow – You made that look so easy!” were the words this King remembers hearing. After a lengthy chariot ride home with plunder tucked away securely in back of chariot, and with some welcome help from Sir Tommy, the new 50-inch addition to the castle was installed.

g.g. vanlandw, g.g. vanberge, g.g. vanbergs, g.g. Tommy, g.g. Pontiac, g.g. Panasonic, g.g. ArtVan, and g.g. Best Buy!

The King is glad that Castle furniture swap worked out well for everyone! New Castle furniture and carpet are amazing! g.g. Queen Van on selections! 8  )

My apologies to the Sons of Van and knights of VanRoundTable, for not being able to attend Transformers Movie… wish I could have been there!

July 5th – New Charter HD Cable Box pillaged from Ye Olde Cable Place… one fort-night spent connecting- and “GAWD!!!” is all this King can say… When you can see the rubber marbles on the track at Darlington from the tire scrub as those chariots of fire continuously turn left, you know the true meaning of “HD”…

BTW… GH2 is amazing on a wide-screen plasma display… 8 )

King Van will try to get some images posted to site shortly…

On Having A ‘Van-Tastik’ Summer…

Behold… Now that both Son’s of Van have chided me for not updating the Kingdom’s web realm, here is said update…

King Van hath officially started castle renovations… last eve the Queen and I didst quest for the elusive castle furniture we intend to finish out our mortal lives with… Naturally, we quested within Kingdom of Van by perusing said furniture available at Ye Art Van Furniture Gallery…

$3700 later, we officially have what we believe will be best for castle living room, and which will be delivered the 27th. This officially relinquishes the castle’s current leather furniture to eldest King Van(2)… Eldest Son of King Van must now start making preparations for chariot ride for said furniture to his castle… 8  )

Youngest Son Prince Van may also start preparations for the onslaught of furniture swapping to ensue.

With the selection of furnishings, so begins the arduous process of renovation of walls, castle carpeting, and updated flooring for the rest of the castle. Queen Van promises to make coordinated selections by which King Van install as much as possible to conserve the King’s Bounty. HA HA

Pending selection of Ye Olde Flat Panel LCD Television awaits… 47 inch? 51 inch? Brand?

The King will quest on the selection once all renovation of walls and floors of the Castle are completed, including surround sound wiring, additional electrical and lighting modifications, and patching / sanding  / painting…

Let the ‘FUN’ begin!!!

Ah, Spring is Here!!

BRB…. It’s Cuda Time…!!!

Anti-Cipation!!

Well, the King and Queen are in their final week before heading out on “the Quest” for relaxation, rest, and recuperation from a long crappy winter/spring. Is it this King’s imagination, or was winter 2007 one of the coldest, wettest on record? Sure seemed like it, if not! Maybe it was the late-falling 14 inches of snow that precipitated the impression of endless winter??

Either way, as we slid into the final week before our sojourn, the ‘Ides of March’ rushed in, making this coming excursion somewhat anti-climactic… leaving 75-degree weather isn’t quite as nice as leaving 30-degree weather when you are heading to the tropics… Sheer ‘let down’ kinda sets in.

That being said, we press on ‘full-steam-ahead’ toward a tropical paradise on Saturday!! Part of the itinerary that shall occupy the quest:

• Sunny Beach – and lots of it! Mayan Goddess is a ‘HOTTIE” when she gets all tanned up!  ;  )
• Warm Carribbean Water – Snorkeling off the reef and 85 degree water temps… MMMMmmmm
• Mayan Temple Ruins tour – While there, may as well take advantage of sights unseen before!!
• Dolphin Splash – The Queen has but one wish (other than being this King’s Queen)… So King is granting it!
• Sheer “All You Can Eat” buffets and “Premium Brand” drinks… LOL

As the departure time of the Quest approaches, the King wishes all the residents of the Kingdom of Van a wonderful Holy Week. May the weather be superb for you (just not as nice as ours)!!! Once we return from our little ‘get-away’, let the preparations for Summer commence.

The King will have to get his “chariot” out of storage, open the castle moat, and tend to the array of flower beds around the Kingdom of Van.

May your coming week be filled with the ‘anticipation’ of Summer, just as much as the King and Queen are for the upcoming quest.

So let it be written… So let it be done!!!

Twas The Night Before Christmas – The King Van Way (sorry, Mr. Clement Clarke Moore)

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Land,

The Kingdom anticipated the holiday at hand!

The leggings were hung by the stables with glee

Till stench of oxxen-dung no longer would be!

The peasants cuddled, all snug in straw piles they lay

Pondering gifts they might get the following day.

Queen Van in her robe and the King eyeing her so,

Were just getting frisky, and then… well, you know

From across the moat there arose such a rucus,

King and Queen both feared twas the Brothers McManus

Laden with Ale and fermented grape to swill,

were crashing their chariots through valley and hill!

Away to the parapet they climbed up stone stair

Queen Van not even messing up one single hair

The moon as it echoed off the hewn stone of the wall

Outlined the steps so King and Queen would not fall.

And as they gazed out over the land did they see

Not two princely shapes, oh no, they saw three!

For Prince Van cloned to release number four

Had taken a queen not too long before!

So brothers McManus with the second Queen Van

Were approaching the castle, twas Christmas at hand!

Coming to share with King’s family the yuletide treat

Which is to give and take presents, and then to eat!

And as they entered the Castle Van keep

They were all warmly welcomed, and Queen Van did weep

Tears of Joy for young Princes so grown into man

And for the addition of the second Queen Van!

They then set out and made this the merriest of all

Christmases held within King Van’s Castle wall.

So to all Princes and Paupers wherever you be

King Van and Family send Best Wishes to thee!

May you and family also share the yuletide joy,

Close family gatherings and feasts safely enjoy!

While remembering the reason it came to be so…

The birth of the Child, Prince of Peace, long ago!

So let it be written – so let it be done!

Sheer Van-demonium

Well, elections are over, people have expressed their opinion with their vote, and most importantly, the ads are done for a while. King Van says ‘Thank Gawd’…

Today, the big flurry was on to get hold of the latest and greatest gaming console… $500 to $600 smackers worth…

And for what? News reports stated that most were bought in a rush to put them up on E-Bay (c)… they had one that went for $2300…

Now, I like gaming, mostly PC variety, just because you can use it for lots of other things when not gaming, and when all is said and done, you can buy one HELLUVA puter for that 2300 clams!!!

TigerDirect has this for less than the price paid for the aforementioned console…

http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=2568882&CatId=0

if you are in the mood for a notebook, check this out… similar price…

http://www.widowpc.com/2006/05/sting_517m_gami.php

While I am sure that people will argue that the price of the new console is worth it, I would only agree if it were down in the ‘normal’ range of around $300… All previous gaming consoles were targeted for that price because it was the ‘breaking point’ for gamers… more than that, and they just don’t get the sales figures. IMHO, Sony has really gone out on a limb offering something twice the breaking point. True, there will be people out there that will pay the big bucks to own the latest and greatest, but I doubt that the price will hold up…

Six months of waiting, although a LONG time to wait for serious gamers, will probably net you a $200 savings, probably along the lines of the savings that are now being seen on the big flat-panel LCD and Plasma TV’s.

King Van is eyeing a nice 50″ plasma… and waiting for the price drop after the first of the year to ‘re-tool’ the castle living room… with all the trimmings, of course, including carpeting, furniture, castle wall repairs, etc…

2007 looks to be the year of a glorious quest to achieve “Total VanDigital Bliss” and castle comfort…

We’ll throw in a few rounds of GH-II for good measure, just for sheer entertainment factor… 8 )

Politics, the King Van Way (Part 2)

Okay, here it is 3 days before elections… and the ads are running non-stop to vote for this person, that person, any person…. ads incessantly coming, which will only to get worse in a frenzy to ‘get out the vote’ and spur people to vote for their candidate…

You want to get out the vote??? Here is how to do it…

In the ‘OFFICIAL’ Kingdom of Van way… of course!   8 )

Background…

First, there are approximately 207 million eligible voters in the US… you can confirm this on your own, and it is true…

Second, the average voter turnout on a non-presidential election year is 39%… ditto confirm…

Third, the projected expense for political ads is… (drum roll, please!)

TWO BILLION DOLLARS…!!! Yes, that’s $2,000,000,000…

“KAAA-CHING!!!”

Break it down, and it works out to… (another drum roll…)

$ 24,774 dollars per vote spent on ads this year!!!

Is that insane, or what???

King Van considers this totally wasted money…

If the ads do anything, they turn OFF the voters, so they want no part of it anymore!!!

King Van asks you… “You want votes??”

Take the $ 24,774 (per person) that you are spending, and then…

(Final drum roll, please!)

GIVE IT ALL TO EACH OF THE PEOPLE THAT VOTE….!!!

That is right… just fork it over to us!

PAY EACH PERSON THAT VOTES $24,774…

Doesn’t matter who you vote for, but if you vote, you get paid…

(QUITE HANDSOMELY, I MIGHT ADD!)

I doubt that it would take long for that 39% turnout rate to zip right up to the moon…

The main point?

Put the money to GOOD use!

(Yes, I think I could sure make good use of it!!! Couldn’t you?)

More importantly…

NO MORE NEED FOR ANY ADS ON TV, NEWSPAPERS, RADIO, ETC…

EVER!!

Doesn’t that make SO much more sense the the way it is done now??

So sayeth King Van, in his usual humble, elegant, and logical style…

So let it be written… So PLEASE let it be DONE!!!!

Castle Special of the Day – Grogg and Gruel

The King of Van has had one of those weeks… Everything in the Dungeon-Keep (i.e. work) apparently turned into sheer oxen dung in the blink of a King’s eye. But nay, not just for this King, but also for the Queen, and those valiant Princes and Knights of the Kingdom of Van, and mayhaps even other inhabitants of Ye Olde Kingdom.

The title says it all… picture thee a goblet of ‘grogg’… emotes visions of some slurry… mayhaps stewed bean of coca plant, mayhaps the remnant of simmered stable-keeper leggings. Foul… odiferous… ripe with the ‘tang’ of putridity. Dare thee taste? Darest thee not? It is thine, served up to the brim, passed over from the Wicked Sorceress Lady Luck… The right of choice is not thine… thee get what cometh, and smileth while partaking of thy share, all the while being violated.

Then comes hence the bowl of ‘gruel’… Yeesh….! By the Gods may the Wenches in the Kitchen of Hell be dammed! Stewed elixir of dragon-sphincter? Boiled Ravens-foot? Care thee not, for again ye have not but licketh thy chops, ladel a healthy portion of the vile ’soupe-du-nure’ into thine bowl, open wide, and beset the quest to rid content without succumbing to the stench of the bitter, acrid, wretching, gawd-awful potion…

In less eloquent words for this King, “Work sucketh mightily!”   Indeed, the Taskmasters care not of the burden ye carry. Even a King’s burden can become overwhelming, but they frought not about handing over more than ye can do within the assorted hours of the day. Add to that the unjust scurrilousness of the Taskmaster for bringing in others, and paying them greatly for the services they render – mirrored acts of thine own – thrice weighted in gold to thine!

Even a King can be tasked beyond endurance. So it is with the other inhabitants of the Kingdom of Van. From Queen to Youngest Prince Van, and to all honorary members of Van-dom, ours is the quest, verily, to just make it through the passage of one single moon-phase. Each is meted out their share, knee atremble with the weight carried, especially Youngest Prince Van, to which the overly trodden uphill route in the realm of life sets asunder, while thusly being monitored by the Evil Summoners of Death along the way.

Yet, in never-ending solace, sorrow, and circumstance, did we but choose the paths we trod. Now therewith the Evil Sorceress delivereth her ’special’ bounty, as doth the Summoners of the outlying villages where Princes do trod!

With underlying hope and prayer for eternal damnation for that -excuse the metephor – “Bee-Yotch” Sorceress, Summoners, and Taskmasters of our realm, we sojourn onward.

To the Quest!!!  Eat Ye thy portions, yet cast not away from sight your hopes and dreams…

So let it be written… So let it be done!

Politics – The King Van Way

Apparently, unbeknownst to some scurrilous knaves and scoundrels intruding on the Kingdom of Van, there are no ‘elections’ in my Kingdom… It is by right and might that rule over Vandom is enforced. Of course, the inhabitants of this Kingdom need little or want of much due to the graciousness of his highness, the King. Food is shared, health care covered, unemployment nonexistent, and strife and turmoil banished.

Yet the knaves of other kingdoms feign the need for all to ‘vote’ at some self-effacing quest to prove bravery, chivalry, and fortitude by mere word alone. The innumerable banners of ‘politicism’ are splayed across the Kingdom with little (and ill) regard for how futile their quest is, no matter the cost of gold or time – theirs or mine!

King Van’s rise in servitude over all of the Kingdom came not at promises of what quests could be sought, or dragons that could be slain, or pillages that could be wrought upon neighboring kingdoms… I am what I am by what I accomplish… with those accomplishments came the recognition, and with the recognition came the power.

Don’t tell me what you will do, you who are questing for power! Show me, and earn the honor of those you seek to support you. Villainous slander against foe wins not the hearts of men, it is smiting foes for villager’s sake and safety that will gain more in your quest than even you could realize. Tax not what you wouldn’t proffer yourself.

The Kingdom of Van is an honor and trust rule… soft-spoken deeds completed ensure continued reign over this Kingdom by this King.

Come nigh the ‘election’ moon, worry thee not about King’s participation. No knave or scoundrel proffering instant change over the land shall earn my favour. Quests successfully accomplished, deeds done helping villagers and peasants across the kingdom earn my recognition and an invite to my roundtable.

Sheer pandemonium awaits those others… with maybe a guillotining or two to boot…

So let it be written, so let it be done!

Castle’Van’ia, Part Deux (Kingdom of Van-Reloaded)

The Sands of Van

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

King Van, in his never-ending wisdom, doth hereby proclaim and declare successful Coronation, with elevation of status of eldest Prince Van to King-ship, and with Official Recognition of  “King Van(2)” and “Queen Van(2)”!

 Published this day by Ye Olde Castle Scribe at King’s behest.

 

Yes, the Gala event has concluded, and -as King Van- I can honestly say that it was one of the proudest moment in this King’s reign. The ceremony, the mirth and merriment which followed, and the bonding of the loyal subjects of the kingdom during the whole event was without equal. It was, without question, also one of the best times known to date for this King.

Youngest Prince Van, in his proclamation toast at festivities following the ceremony, was at his best. His delivery of memoirs of ages past without succumbing to emotions was beyond belief for this King. (This coming from a King that blubbered incessantly while welcoming subjects to the festivities!)

Be that as it may, the King has regained composure, and now looks back fondly at all the events of this past weekend with great pride, and doth hereby offer a few choice observations for both the Prince Vans, in honorary Prince Russell-T infamous “bullet-point” style…

• A King’s home is his TOOL BENCH! (and the assorted tools there-upon it)
• No matter how hard you try, when emotions hit, you WILL sob like a ‘gurlee-man’
• Kegs of ale/goblets of fermented grape do not mix! (hard lesson learned there!)
• Prince Flo (yes, rightly earned title) be-speaks honestly when sotted
• Prince Vanlandw can actually shake a mean bootie!
• Everyone’s kingdom twirls round-e-round at mass consumption of ale
• BBQ’d ANYTHING tastes of sheer deliciousness at receptions
• There is NO cure for a hangover, no matter what Wizards may say
• Queen Van(1) will forever be a ‘hottie’ to the King!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done!      (So decreed by King Van)