Castle Special of the Day – Grogg and Gruel

The King of Van has had one of those weeks… Everything in the Dungeon-Keep (i.e. work) apparently turned into sheer oxen dung in the blink of a King’s eye. But nay, not just for this King, but also for the Queen, and those valiant Princes and Knights of the Kingdom of Van, and mayhaps even other inhabitants of Ye Olde Kingdom.

The title says it all… picture thee a goblet of ‘grogg’… emotes visions of some slurry… mayhaps stewed bean of coca plant, mayhaps the remnant of simmered stable-keeper leggings. Foul… odiferous… ripe with the ‘tang’ of putridity. Dare thee taste? Darest thee not? It is thine, served up to the brim, passed over from the Wicked Sorceress Lady Luck… The right of choice is not thine… thee get what cometh, and smileth while partaking of thy share, all the while being violated.

Then comes hence the bowl of ‘gruel’… Yeesh….! By the Gods may the Wenches in the Kitchen of Hell be dammed! Stewed elixir of dragon-sphincter? Boiled Ravens-foot? Care thee not, for again ye have not but licketh thy chops, ladel a healthy portion of the vile ’soupe-du-nure’ into thine bowl, open wide, and beset the quest to rid content without succumbing to the stench of the bitter, acrid, wretching, gawd-awful potion…

In less eloquent words for this King, “Work sucketh mightily!”   Indeed, the Taskmasters care not of the burden ye carry. Even a King’s burden can become overwhelming, but they frought not about handing over more than ye can do within the assorted hours of the day. Add to that the unjust scurrilousness of the Taskmaster for bringing in others, and paying them greatly for the services they render – mirrored acts of thine own – thrice weighted in gold to thine!

Even a King can be tasked beyond endurance. So it is with the other inhabitants of the Kingdom of Van. From Queen to Youngest Prince Van, and to all honorary members of Van-dom, ours is the quest, verily, to just make it through the passage of one single moon-phase. Each is meted out their share, knee atremble with the weight carried, especially Youngest Prince Van, to which the overly trodden uphill route in the realm of life sets asunder, while thusly being monitored by the Evil Summoners of Death along the way.

Yet, in never-ending solace, sorrow, and circumstance, did we but choose the paths we trod. Now therewith the Evil Sorceress delivereth her ’special’ bounty, as doth the Summoners of the outlying villages where Princes do trod!

With underlying hope and prayer for eternal damnation for that -excuse the metephor – “Bee-Yotch” Sorceress, Summoners, and Taskmasters of our realm, we sojourn onward.

To the Quest!!!  Eat Ye thy portions, yet cast not away from sight your hopes and dreams…

So let it be written… So let it be done!

Politics – The King Van Way

Apparently, unbeknownst to some scurrilous knaves and scoundrels intruding on the Kingdom of Van, there are no ‘elections’ in my Kingdom… It is by right and might that rule over Vandom is enforced. Of course, the inhabitants of this Kingdom need little or want of much due to the graciousness of his highness, the King. Food is shared, health care covered, unemployment nonexistent, and strife and turmoil banished.

Yet the knaves of other kingdoms feign the need for all to ‘vote’ at some self-effacing quest to prove bravery, chivalry, and fortitude by mere word alone. The innumerable banners of ‘politicism’ are splayed across the Kingdom with little (and ill) regard for how futile their quest is, no matter the cost of gold or time – theirs or mine!

King Van’s rise in servitude over all of the Kingdom came not at promises of what quests could be sought, or dragons that could be slain, or pillages that could be wrought upon neighboring kingdoms… I am what I am by what I accomplish… with those accomplishments came the recognition, and with the recognition came the power.

Don’t tell me what you will do, you who are questing for power! Show me, and earn the honor of those you seek to support you. Villainous slander against foe wins not the hearts of men, it is smiting foes for villager’s sake and safety that will gain more in your quest than even you could realize. Tax not what you wouldn’t proffer yourself.

The Kingdom of Van is an honor and trust rule… soft-spoken deeds completed ensure continued reign over this Kingdom by this King.

Come nigh the ‘election’ moon, worry thee not about King’s participation. No knave or scoundrel proffering instant change over the land shall earn my favour. Quests successfully accomplished, deeds done helping villagers and peasants across the kingdom earn my recognition and an invite to my roundtable.

Sheer pandemonium awaits those others… with maybe a guillotining or two to boot…

So let it be written, so let it be done!

Castle’Van’ia, Part Deux (Kingdom of Van-Reloaded)

The Sands of Van

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

King Van, in his never-ending wisdom, doth hereby proclaim and declare successful Coronation, with elevation of status of eldest Prince Van to King-ship, and with Official Recognition of  “King Van(2)” and “Queen Van(2)”!

 Published this day by Ye Olde Castle Scribe at King’s behest.

 

Yes, the Gala event has concluded, and -as King Van- I can honestly say that it was one of the proudest moment in this King’s reign. The ceremony, the mirth and merriment which followed, and the bonding of the loyal subjects of the kingdom during the whole event was without equal. It was, without question, also one of the best times known to date for this King.

Youngest Prince Van, in his proclamation toast at festivities following the ceremony, was at his best. His delivery of memoirs of ages past without succumbing to emotions was beyond belief for this King. (This coming from a King that blubbered incessantly while welcoming subjects to the festivities!)

Be that as it may, the King has regained composure, and now looks back fondly at all the events of this past weekend with great pride, and doth hereby offer a few choice observations for both the Prince Vans, in honorary Prince Russell-T infamous “bullet-point” style…

• A King’s home is his TOOL BENCH! (and the assorted tools there-upon it)
• No matter how hard you try, when emotions hit, you WILL sob like a ‘gurlee-man’
• Kegs of ale/goblets of fermented grape do not mix! (hard lesson learned there!)
• Prince Flo (yes, rightly earned title) be-speaks honestly when sotted
• Prince Vanlandw can actually shake a mean bootie!
• Everyone’s kingdom twirls round-e-round at mass consumption of ale
• BBQ’d ANYTHING tastes of sheer deliciousness at receptions
• There is NO cure for a hangover, no matter what Wizards may say
• Queen Van(1) will forever be a ‘hottie’ to the King!!!

So let it be written, so let it be done!      (So decreed by King Van)