King Van’s Life – The ‘HD’ Way

Well, the Castle remodel is almost finished. But for some base trim on a couple remaining stone walls, and the ever-present cleanup that ensues following a major remodel, the King has completed the quest! Most notable amongst changes to the castle is the addition of Ye Olde 50-inch Plasma HDTV. In no small part due to Vanberge4’s forwarded 10% discount coupon provided by vanlandw, the 4th of July was spent piloting chariot to East Beltline Best Buy, where this King did plunder and pillage an epic deal on the Panasonic 50PZ700U, one of the most elegant 1080p plasma screens to inhabit this earth. (g.g. vanbergs for suggestion to check availability of said plunder ahead of time!)

After saving 507.14 gold talents, the final discount ended up being 15% on said pillaging total. Best Buy harlots smirked when King Van pulled chariot Aztek up in front of store, saying “You realize you cannot lay this thing down, don’t you?” (The cardboard packaging was immense, so as to rightly protect said plundered screen). The King said “Fear not, knave!”, and proceeded to transform chariot aztek into a suitable 8-foot covered pillage-hauler with a few quick snaps, clicks, and pops, thus removing the removable rear floor tray of the aztek, flipping the rear seats up forward, and amazing the kindergarten-mind employees of said Best Buy. “Wow – You made that look so easy!” were the words this King remembers hearing. After a lengthy chariot ride home with plunder tucked away securely in back of chariot, and with some welcome help from Sir Tommy, the new 50-inch addition to the castle was installed.

g.g. vanlandw, g.g. vanberge, g.g. vanbergs, g.g. Tommy, g.g. Pontiac, g.g. Panasonic, g.g. ArtVan, and g.g. Best Buy!

The King is glad that Castle furniture swap worked out well for everyone! New Castle furniture and carpet are amazing! g.g. Queen Van on selections! 8  )

My apologies to the Sons of Van and knights of VanRoundTable, for not being able to attend Transformers Movie… wish I could have been there!

July 5th – New Charter HD Cable Box pillaged from Ye Olde Cable Place… one fort-night spent connecting- and “GAWD!!!” is all this King can say… When you can see the rubber marbles on the track at Darlington from the tire scrub as those chariots of fire continuously turn left, you know the true meaning of “HD”…

BTW… GH2 is amazing on a wide-screen plasma display… 8 )

King Van will try to get some images posted to site shortly…

On Having A ‘Van-Tastik’ Summer…

Behold… Now that both Son’s of Van have chided me for not updating the Kingdom’s web realm, here is said update…

King Van hath officially started castle renovations… last eve the Queen and I didst quest for the elusive castle furniture we intend to finish out our mortal lives with… Naturally, we quested within Kingdom of Van by perusing said furniture available at Ye Art Van Furniture Gallery…

$3700 later, we officially have what we believe will be best for castle living room, and which will be delivered the 27th. This officially relinquishes the castle’s current leather furniture to eldest King Van(2)… Eldest Son of King Van must now start making preparations for chariot ride for said furniture to his castle… 8  )

Youngest Son Prince Van may also start preparations for the onslaught of furniture swapping to ensue.

With the selection of furnishings, so begins the arduous process of renovation of walls, castle carpeting, and updated flooring for the rest of the castle. Queen Van promises to make coordinated selections by which King Van install as much as possible to conserve the King’s Bounty. HA HA

Pending selection of Ye Olde Flat Panel LCD Television awaits… 47 inch? 51 inch? Brand?

The King will quest on the selection once all renovation of walls and floors of the Castle are completed, including surround sound wiring, additional electrical and lighting modifications, and patching / sanding  / painting…

Let the ‘FUN’ begin!!!

Ah, Spring is Here!!

BRB…. It’s Cuda Time…!!!

Anti-Cipation!!

Well, the King and Queen are in their final week before heading out on “the Quest” for relaxation, rest, and recuperation from a long crappy winter/spring. Is it this King’s imagination, or was winter 2007 one of the coldest, wettest on record? Sure seemed like it, if not! Maybe it was the late-falling 14 inches of snow that precipitated the impression of endless winter??

Either way, as we slid into the final week before our sojourn, the ‘Ides of March’ rushed in, making this coming excursion somewhat anti-climactic… leaving 75-degree weather isn’t quite as nice as leaving 30-degree weather when you are heading to the tropics… Sheer ‘let down’ kinda sets in.

That being said, we press on ‘full-steam-ahead’ toward a tropical paradise on Saturday!! Part of the itinerary that shall occupy the quest:

• Sunny Beach – and lots of it! Mayan Goddess is a ‘HOTTIE” when she gets all tanned up!  ;  )
• Warm Carribbean Water – Snorkeling off the reef and 85 degree water temps… MMMMmmmm
• Mayan Temple Ruins tour – While there, may as well take advantage of sights unseen before!!
• Dolphin Splash – The Queen has but one wish (other than being this King’s Queen)… So King is granting it!
• Sheer “All You Can Eat” buffets and “Premium Brand” drinks… LOL

As the departure time of the Quest approaches, the King wishes all the residents of the Kingdom of Van a wonderful Holy Week. May the weather be superb for you (just not as nice as ours)!!! Once we return from our little ‘get-away’, let the preparations for Summer commence.

The King will have to get his “chariot” out of storage, open the castle moat, and tend to the array of flower beds around the Kingdom of Van.

May your coming week be filled with the ‘anticipation’ of Summer, just as much as the King and Queen are for the upcoming quest.

So let it be written… So let it be done!!!

The Kingdom of Van’s “Best Of…”

With friends and family all doing the “best of” theme recently, the King figures it’s time to incorporate his own compiled list of greatest things, events, movies, games, people, inventions, and what-not…

With that in mind, here is the Kingdom of Van’s list of worthwhile things that have affected the life of this King, in no particular order of any sort…. *Note: This list will span several days worth of editing, so please be patient!!!

1. kathyvb – THE single most important thing that has ever happened to this King. Some time long ago, sitting on the front steps of a friend’s house reading comic books, she walked into my realm, and from that first glimpse of her (not to mention how she looked in her majorette outfit), the King was smitten…

2. vanberge4 – The second most important event… the birth of King Van 2. Pride? Oh Yeah!

3. vanbergs – The third most important event… both 2 and 3 are really equal, but timing set the order listed here… both sons are unique in their own ways, and do a King so much pride for their own marks they are making in the Kingdom of Van.   g.g., spawn of King!

4. The Super Chef sandwich from Burger Chef (long gone)… I literally proposed to kathyvb over it.

5. “All-Inclusive Resorts” – Last year, King and Queen Van attended one of these in Jamaica… Montego Bay was the absolute best! Letting yourself be pampered without having to worry about anything else but showing up is definitely in the “Best of…” category. This year, it is going to be the Mexican Riviera, at a little more posh all-inclusive resort… Lot’s of pictures to be taken, and several brands of Tequila to be tested at the King’s behest, for sure!!! 8  )

6. Atari 2600 Game Console – Yeah, before the X-box 360, the Wii, the PS-3, and today’s hi-perf lap-tops and desktop PC’s, there was this fairly inexpensive ‘toy’ to spend countless hours of enjoyment with. Between the Atari and Commodore wars, many felt that Atari was doomed. The King is happy to decree that Atari is still alive and kicking Royal Kingdom of Van Ass with titles like “NeverWinter Nights” and “Magic: The Gathering”. Most notably standing out in the King’s memory is the ‘paddle-controlled’ game of “KaBoom”, and WHO in the Kingdom of Van could ever forget “Space Invaders”??? Definitely “Best Of…” material.

7. While pondering the subject of games for the above, one title also clearly jumped to the top of the gaming list – “Guitar Hero”… Never has the Kingdom been so enthralled with a video game, bar none. While GH1 was, in this humble King’s opinion, the best of the two (only because there were more of this King’s genre of music), GH2 embodies the full potential of addictive gaming. Miss one note at any level, and you immediately want to behead the creator, even while pushing the “retry” button so you can do it all over again, and get it right. Sheer Van-demonium… hence part of the “Best Of…”

In Competence

I know it has been quite a while since last post… so King Van doth ‘pick it up’ now, before being reminded to do so by his loyal subjects and royal family of van members… First off, I want to comment on the recent blogs of vanberge4, vanbergs, vanlandw, and honorary prince van Flo.

“G.G.” – 15 minutes of fame all around…!!!

Now, to the vile deeds causing the inception of this post…

King Van was given the job of “Independent Software Assessor” at work last year, and as part of my duties, I have to review the safety of software code, results of code reviews and testing, and work with the contracted software consultants brought in at obscene pricing in peices of gold. Earlier I posted about how inept some of these consultants have been, and how frustrating it is having to correct errors in the way they do their jobs.

The latest round of testing completed this week merely solidified this King’s opinion. A negative report regarding code review of some modules prompted the review of these modules personally, to see why code review wasn’t detecting the ’seeded errors’ induced by the consultants. Last time the King had to do this, I found that 30% of the supposed errors seeded into the code DID NOT EXIST. I don’t know if they forgot to save the files after seeding, or if I was given the wrong seeded code. Nonetheless, this second round was supposed to conducted with enough controls in place to insure that this problem wouldn’t happen again.

This week’s review started with a report that had incorrect calculations by the consultants, and when the King asked for the seeded code files for review, I was given the wrong files, ones that were not original, yet ones that were different than the actual seeded versions that were reviewed. When I started reviewing the files, I could not verify the existence of ANY of the ‘reported’ seeded errors. I had to go back to the consultants, after wasting 2 hours looking at wrong files, and ask if they were sure they gave me the correct ones. Shortly afterwards, I got a copy of a different set of files, this time the ‘correct’ seeded code files… Hmmmm… sounds like it is out of control again.

Ended up spending another 8 hours reviewing the files, and found that in each of them, some of the reported seeded errors were not there for the reviewers to discover.  5% of them, to be exact.

Consultants beware… You won’t survive long in the Kingdom of Van by providing incompetent analysis and services. Earn the gold you yearn for and get paid - by providing full measure of professionalism and process control.

This King tires of wasted time correcting the blunders of highly paid ‘professionals’…

BRB

Twas The Night Before Christmas – The King Van Way (sorry, Mr. Clement Clarke Moore)

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Land,

The Kingdom anticipated the holiday at hand!

The leggings were hung by the stables with glee

Till stench of oxxen-dung no longer would be!

The peasants cuddled, all snug in straw piles they lay

Pondering gifts they might get the following day.

Queen Van in her robe and the King eyeing her so,

Were just getting frisky, and then… well, you know

From across the moat there arose such a rucus,

King and Queen both feared twas the Brothers McManus

Laden with Ale and fermented grape to swill,

were crashing their chariots through valley and hill!

Away to the parapet they climbed up stone stair

Queen Van not even messing up one single hair

The moon as it echoed off the hewn stone of the wall

Outlined the steps so King and Queen would not fall.

And as they gazed out over the land did they see

Not two princely shapes, oh no, they saw three!

For Prince Van cloned to release number four

Had taken a queen not too long before!

So brothers McManus with the second Queen Van

Were approaching the castle, twas Christmas at hand!

Coming to share with King’s family the yuletide treat

Which is to give and take presents, and then to eat!

And as they entered the Castle Van keep

They were all warmly welcomed, and Queen Van did weep

Tears of Joy for young Princes so grown into man

And for the addition of the second Queen Van!

They then set out and made this the merriest of all

Christmases held within King Van’s Castle wall.

So to all Princes and Paupers wherever you be

King Van and Family send Best Wishes to thee!

May you and family also share the yuletide joy,

Close family gatherings and feasts safely enjoy!

While remembering the reason it came to be so…

The birth of the Child, Prince of Peace, long ago!

So let it be written – so let it be done!

Sheer Van-demonium

Well, elections are over, people have expressed their opinion with their vote, and most importantly, the ads are done for a while. King Van says ‘Thank Gawd’…

Today, the big flurry was on to get hold of the latest and greatest gaming console… $500 to $600 smackers worth…

And for what? News reports stated that most were bought in a rush to put them up on E-Bay (c)… they had one that went for $2300…

Now, I like gaming, mostly PC variety, just because you can use it for lots of other things when not gaming, and when all is said and done, you can buy one HELLUVA puter for that 2300 clams!!!

TigerDirect has this for less than the price paid for the aforementioned console…

http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications/SearchTools/item-details.asp?EdpNo=2568882&CatId=0

if you are in the mood for a notebook, check this out… similar price…

http://www.widowpc.com/2006/05/sting_517m_gami.php

While I am sure that people will argue that the price of the new console is worth it, I would only agree if it were down in the ‘normal’ range of around $300… All previous gaming consoles were targeted for that price because it was the ‘breaking point’ for gamers… more than that, and they just don’t get the sales figures. IMHO, Sony has really gone out on a limb offering something twice the breaking point. True, there will be people out there that will pay the big bucks to own the latest and greatest, but I doubt that the price will hold up…

Six months of waiting, although a LONG time to wait for serious gamers, will probably net you a $200 savings, probably along the lines of the savings that are now being seen on the big flat-panel LCD and Plasma TV’s.

King Van is eyeing a nice 50″ plasma… and waiting for the price drop after the first of the year to ‘re-tool’ the castle living room… with all the trimmings, of course, including carpeting, furniture, castle wall repairs, etc…

2007 looks to be the year of a glorious quest to achieve “Total VanDigital Bliss” and castle comfort…

We’ll throw in a few rounds of GH-II for good measure, just for sheer entertainment factor… 8 )

Politics, the King Van Way (Part 2)

Okay, here it is 3 days before elections… and the ads are running non-stop to vote for this person, that person, any person…. ads incessantly coming, which will only to get worse in a frenzy to ‘get out the vote’ and spur people to vote for their candidate…

You want to get out the vote??? Here is how to do it…

In the ‘OFFICIAL’ Kingdom of Van way… of course!   8 )

Background…

First, there are approximately 207 million eligible voters in the US… you can confirm this on your own, and it is true…

Second, the average voter turnout on a non-presidential election year is 39%… ditto confirm…

Third, the projected expense for political ads is… (drum roll, please!)

TWO BILLION DOLLARS…!!! Yes, that’s $2,000,000,000…

“KAAA-CHING!!!”

Break it down, and it works out to… (another drum roll…)

$ 24,774 dollars per vote spent on ads this year!!!

Is that insane, or what???

King Van considers this totally wasted money…

If the ads do anything, they turn OFF the voters, so they want no part of it anymore!!!

King Van asks you… “You want votes??”

Take the $ 24,774 (per person) that you are spending, and then…

(Final drum roll, please!)

GIVE IT ALL TO EACH OF THE PEOPLE THAT VOTE….!!!

That is right… just fork it over to us!

PAY EACH PERSON THAT VOTES $24,774…

Doesn’t matter who you vote for, but if you vote, you get paid…

(QUITE HANDSOMELY, I MIGHT ADD!)

I doubt that it would take long for that 39% turnout rate to zip right up to the moon…

The main point?

Put the money to GOOD use!

(Yes, I think I could sure make good use of it!!! Couldn’t you?)

More importantly…

NO MORE NEED FOR ANY ADS ON TV, NEWSPAPERS, RADIO, ETC…

EVER!!

Doesn’t that make SO much more sense the the way it is done now??

So sayeth King Van, in his usual humble, elegant, and logical style…

So let it be written… So PLEASE let it be DONE!!!!

Castle Special of the Day – Grogg and Gruel

The King of Van has had one of those weeks… Everything in the Dungeon-Keep (i.e. work) apparently turned into sheer oxen dung in the blink of a King’s eye. But nay, not just for this King, but also for the Queen, and those valiant Princes and Knights of the Kingdom of Van, and mayhaps even other inhabitants of Ye Olde Kingdom.

The title says it all… picture thee a goblet of ‘grogg’… emotes visions of some slurry… mayhaps stewed bean of coca plant, mayhaps the remnant of simmered stable-keeper leggings. Foul… odiferous… ripe with the ‘tang’ of putridity. Dare thee taste? Darest thee not? It is thine, served up to the brim, passed over from the Wicked Sorceress Lady Luck… The right of choice is not thine… thee get what cometh, and smileth while partaking of thy share, all the while being violated.

Then comes hence the bowl of ‘gruel’… Yeesh….! By the Gods may the Wenches in the Kitchen of Hell be dammed! Stewed elixir of dragon-sphincter? Boiled Ravens-foot? Care thee not, for again ye have not but licketh thy chops, ladel a healthy portion of the vile ’soupe-du-nure’ into thine bowl, open wide, and beset the quest to rid content without succumbing to the stench of the bitter, acrid, wretching, gawd-awful potion…

In less eloquent words for this King, “Work sucketh mightily!”   Indeed, the Taskmasters care not of the burden ye carry. Even a King’s burden can become overwhelming, but they frought not about handing over more than ye can do within the assorted hours of the day. Add to that the unjust scurrilousness of the Taskmaster for bringing in others, and paying them greatly for the services they render – mirrored acts of thine own – thrice weighted in gold to thine!

Even a King can be tasked beyond endurance. So it is with the other inhabitants of the Kingdom of Van. From Queen to Youngest Prince Van, and to all honorary members of Van-dom, ours is the quest, verily, to just make it through the passage of one single moon-phase. Each is meted out their share, knee atremble with the weight carried, especially Youngest Prince Van, to which the overly trodden uphill route in the realm of life sets asunder, while thusly being monitored by the Evil Summoners of Death along the way.

Yet, in never-ending solace, sorrow, and circumstance, did we but choose the paths we trod. Now therewith the Evil Sorceress delivereth her ’special’ bounty, as doth the Summoners of the outlying villages where Princes do trod!

With underlying hope and prayer for eternal damnation for that -excuse the metephor – “Bee-Yotch” Sorceress, Summoners, and Taskmasters of our realm, we sojourn onward.

To the Quest!!!  Eat Ye thy portions, yet cast not away from sight your hopes and dreams…

So let it be written… So let it be done!